12 Days of Spacemaking: Day 4

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(noun)

- the throwing back by a body or surface of light, heat, or sound without absorbing it; - a thing that is a consequence of or arises from something else;

- serious thought or consideration.

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Get cozy, friends, Day 4 is all about reflection!

Mmmmm, this is probably one of my favorite of this series. Reflection can mean so many different things in space, in life, in us. Let's take a look...

When I think about creating reflection in physical space I think of it in two ways;

1) bouncing light throughout to illuminate and
2) defining a dedicated space for feeling, thinking, or analyzing.

All of my favorite things!

Take a look at the photo below and pay attention to the mirror in the background. My studio apartment sits back from the street a bit because there is a full apartment in front of mine. Luckily, the way this building was created gives me a front window that extends out a bit from the front apartment exterior wall to allow for some "direct" street light. I say "direct" because there is nothing blocking it, however, because it sits back from the street, it does tend to stay darker, particularly in the winter. I do have two other windows in the main space but they face the building next door - I can almost touch my neighbor's exterior wall if I go out on my fire escape. Light still comes through but not in abundance. Placing the mirror high on the wall allows for me to take advantage of a bit more light reflecting back into the main space where it can typically feel a little darker than the front room.

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Now let's take a look at making a dedicated space for reflection. I may be unconventional in my thinking here, but I don't believe that you need 4 walls and a door to create a dedicated space. I believe all you need is an intention and a bit of creativity.

My space for reflection is tucked directly between my kitchen table and my desk/workspace. It simply consists of a cushion on the floor with my growing collection of plants adjacent. Over the years, I've experimented with various locations for my reflection space and, as strange as it seems, I like this one best. The cushion on the floor allows me to ignore any items or clutter I may have on my table or desk. The proximity of plants connect me to nature and the stand doubles as a place for candles and incense. And with my back against the wall, I have a view of my entire apartment. It feels like a powerful and safe place to allow myself to become vulnerable as I journal or meditate.

Where/how do you prefer to reflect?  What does it sound/look/feel like?

If you don't have a reflection practice but are interested in building one, please know, it does not have to conform to a space or framework, it can be where and what you make it to be. I have many reflection practices that are not tied to my home space. I take walks and hit record on my voice app to have a loving conversation with myself when I need to work out disjointed thoughts in my head. A lot of times, even without me realizing it, reflection happens when I am mid-swim or run. Most interestingly, I have a friend who prioritizes reflection in her bathroom - she installed a waterproof notebook and pen for writing any thoughts that come to her in the shower!

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A DAY FOR PAUSE

Every 4th day we will take a moment to pause the journal prompts.

Some of the themes we talk about can be difficult to process and may bring up feelings that take a minute to work through. If learning how to create space is the goal, let's be intentional and build in some space for absorbing, looking back, and taking pause.

For today there will be no journal prompts, just a reminder to make space to breathe and regroup. If you feel moved, please hit reply and let me know how things are going for you!

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This wraps Day 4...thank you for taking time to explore spacemaking from a place of reflection!

If you feel inspired to share any takeaways, examples in your own home, or questions that came up for you, please access any Spatial Medium social media account. Please be sure to add #12daysofspacemaking and tag @spatialmedium so I can see what you post.

12 Days of Spacemaking: Day 3

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(noun) - a fault, blemish, or undesirable feature; the state of being faulty or incomplete

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Now, I know what you're thinking..."yuck, imperfection?!? No thanks!"

Ahhhh. I see you. And yet...

What would happen if you allowed yourself to make space for imperfection in your life?  Would it open up space for something else to exist/thrive? 

Let me walk you through ways I make space for - and often celebrate - imperfection.

In the image below you'll see a brownish/mustard armchair. (If you've been here the last few days, it's just on the other side of the "bedroom" in the "living room"...) It's of the vintage variety and is rather comfortable if I do say so myself. However, it came to me as an imperfect object. Actually, it came to me as a non-functioning chair. Let's see how making space for imperfection let me acquire one of my favorite, and most used, chairs...

I first saw this chair in an old co-working space storage unit. It was part of a myriad of items that were tagged for the dumpster. It had one very ornate, victorian wooden legs missing and was incredibly dusty after years of banishment. Maybe it's the caretaker in me or my fierce belief that I can re-use every.broken.thing. but I took one look at it and said "I'll take it!".

When I got it home I examined the legs again. They were very detailed and unless I wanted to spend time, energy, and money, I would not be reconstructing them anytime soon. Even though I had a hunch the chair would be imperfectly perfect for my studio space and lifestyle, I wasn't absolutely sure so I decided to experiment with it.

I looked around my apartment to see what could be used to prop the seat level, assuming that I would have to shimmy something underneath to get the correct height. Miracle upon miracles, the wood crates I had stacked as my bookshelf along with the existing wooden peg leg connection on the chair made for a very level, very sturdy, and very comfortable seat!

Would it have been the end of the world if I had passed on the chair? No. I would have found something at some point. But I adore that by making space for imperfection I gave this piece second life, freed up my brain to focus on other things, and - bonus - created a unique wood-crate-bookshelf-chair piece!

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Now, let's talk about some intangible moments as well. Like just this week, in fact!

I've been posting the landing page for this email engagement in a few different communities of mine. I have to admit, sharing my thoughts and ideas is not super comfortable for me and each time I hit send I tend to run around the apartment to release the nervous energy I feel. I promised myself when I first had the idea for the 12 Days that I would view it as an experiment...I knew I would fumble and mis-step and mess up. I'm not super tech-savvy and I moved pretty quickly from idea to implementation on this digital-heavy offering. The chance for imperfection was high.

Yesterday morning I received a gentle and helpful nudge that I had a typo in my copy. And honestly, it was a pretty glaring typo, one I should have noticed. Directly on the heels of that I realized that I had set up my email opt-in incorrectly and it was causing issues. I had to laugh in that very moment as I knew Day 3 was about to focus on Imperfection - and here I was, demonstrating it beautifully!

For many years, I've been afraid of the imperfect side of sharing ideas - the typos or missteps, unintentionally causing harm, or simply not being able to aptly communicate my thoughts. It isn't the only thing that stops me from taking action but it certainly contributes. I'm so grateful that the imperfection gremlin has quieted enough to allow me to test, experiment, and offer what I can to the world. Typos and mistakes included!

What would you create, share, or make space for if imperfection had a cozy home in your day-to-day? 

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One last bit on imperfection before we end...embracing imperfection in others.

Have you ever found yourself critical of someone else because they did not do something the way you thought it should be done, the "perfect" way? It could be a partner, a boss or colleague, a random person you encounter in your day, or even a business interaction. The fact that they mess up or drop the ball annoys you, if only they did x-y-z!

I personally bump up against this all the time and I'm guessing I'm not alone. It always takes me a minute to realize that the level of perfection I am holding them to is the level of perfection I'm holding for myself. Meaning, if I'm not giving them grace in a moment of imperfection, I'm certainly not giving myself grace in those moments either. And we could certainly all use a bit more grace.

This shifted my relationship to imperfection and while it is a continuous, imperfect practice for me (see how that works?!?), it has helped release a fair amount of agitation in my day-to-day...which frees up so much space!

How would your engagement with the world around you change if you embraced imperfection in yourself and others?

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JOURNAL PROMPTS

• What comes up when you think about imperfection? Is there negative or positive connotation?

• How does imperfection look/feel/sound in your life right now?

• Where do you feel you can invite imperfection in, even if just a little bit?

• When do you tend to strive for perfection the most? And what would happen if you gave yourself permission to be imperfect in that moment?

• In what ways, physical and intangible, can you make space for imperfection in your life? (Do not throw this computer! It's a gentle nudge to observe and see what comes up...:)

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This wraps Day 3...thank you for taking time to explore spacemaking from a place of imperfection!

If you feel inspired to share any takeaways, examples in your own home, or questions that came up for you, please access any Spatial Medium social media account. Please be sure to add #12daysofspacemaking and tag @spatialmedium so I can see what you post.

12 Days of Spacemaking: Day 2

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(noun) - something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent

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Oh boy, day 2 and already in the thick of it! Boundary. Yikes!

Let's keep it simple and talk about physical boundaries first, shall we?

Physical boundaries are really easy to see and experience - there are solid walls, glass walls or glazing, movable partitions, fences, and a myriad of hybrid combinations. These affect how we sense space, what access is allowed, and the way we communicate. For example, a solid wall will keep light/vision/smell/access at bay but depending on how it is constructed, may allow unwanted sound through. Conversely, a neighbors fence may deny access or define property while still allowing for communication, senses, and connection between inhabitants.

Let's take another look at the main space in my studio for two quick DIY examples in the photo below.

The first, as you may recall, is that I created a fixed boundary with the bedframe/sofa combo between my "bedroom" and my "living room". Obviously they are in the same physical space but the delineation helps me organize my life. The item that I didn't talk about before is the lamp - it is strategically placed to reiterate the "invisible wall" that I've created between the "bedroom" and "living room". Because of it's height, it helps me to visually understand the "rooms" as separate.

The second is the movable green curtain boundary between my "living space" and my "work space". Again, they are technically in the same open room, however, the simple act of pulling the curtain shuts my brain off for the night. And that is invaluable.

And then there are the physical boundaries that are implied. What does this mean exactly?

The photo below is a picture I took of the Lakeside Skating Rink in Prospect Park one winter day. You can see the large roof overhang that protects the sheltered skating rink below. What I want you to pay attention to is the line where the snow disappears, almost directly mirroring the roof overhang above. This is what I consider to be an implied boundary. There is nothing to stop sound/smell/vision/light/access, technically everything is still outside. However, and especially with the presence of precipitation, you can clearly see that the group arriving will be within the space of the skating shelter in a few paces.

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People impose implied physical boundaries in space as well. I recently attended an art performance at The Shed in NYC and experienced a waiting period prior to top of show. There was a "lobby" space provided for people to wait and I watched as about 70 people filtered in behind me over the course of 30 minutes. I say "behind me" because as I was walking around in center of the space, each person (or group of people) kept to the walls. Clearly they felt that the middle of the space was not for them even though there were no rules that said you could not be in the middle. It was fascinating to witness, almost as much as the performance itself, and I had to document it in the plan diagram* below!

Pay attention to your surroundings this week - do you move through any implied boundaries?  Do you participate in socially implied boundaries or do you, like me, completely buck the trend?  Simply observe...and delight in it.

(*A plan is like a birds-eye-view or a map of the spaces. It is typically cut at 4'-0" above the floor line to include door openings, etc. Mine is more diagrammatic so I've utilized single lines and text for clarity.)

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Ah now. Personal boundaries. Deep breath, stay with me here.

As opposed to the physical boundaries, personal boundaries are sometimes not clearly visible (although they can be...example, a close talker encroaching your physical space). If you are anything like me, personal boundaries can be challenging to create, practice, and uphold. But with the holiday season in full swing and the potential for boundaries to be pushed (or ignored completely) I believe it's important to nudge them into the light.

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[A quick note: if talking about personal boundaries is new to you, here is a good resource I've found to explain them. I am not a trained therapist so please consult a licensed professional if you are struggling with creating healthy boundaries. Mine is personally on speed dial.]

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I find that my personal, intangible boundaries are easier to achieve when I attach a physical, spatial component to them. It doesn't have to be much. Maybe a moment to take a quiet breath and ground yourself outside. A dark room to de-sensitize to avoid overwhelm. A sprint down the block to shake loose clarity on expressing your needs. Perhaps volunteering to take a drive and grab that forgotten ingredient to regroup before company arrives. I find that keeping my hands busy so my body has an outlet for agitated energy helps a lot.

Regardless of what creating and holding personal boundaries consists of for you, please know that it is a practice. Just like our physical needs and spaces, they will shift and change as you shift and change. Be kind to yourself this holiday season. One more deep breath...

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JOURNAL PROMPTS

• What does creating boundary mean to you? Is it primarily physical or intangible? When is it both?

• How does creating a new boundary look/feel/sound in your life right now?

• Where do you feel you need to revisit your boundaries?

• When do you tend to ignore, diminish, or remove your boundaries? Observe as you go about your day.

• In what ways, physical and intangible, can you make space for healthier boundaries in your life? (This could mean a shift in your physical space, an expression of your needs, or getting curious about expectations.)

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This wraps Day 2...thank you for taking time to explore spacemaking from a place of boundary!

If you feel inspired to share any takeaways, examples in your own home, or questions that came up for you, please access any Spatial Medium social media account. Please be sure to add #12daysofspacemaking and tag @spatialmedium so I can see what you post.